Magician Convention: Tell me the secret. How do you make things completely disappear? What’s the secret? OK I’ll tell you. INFLATION…..

By definition, Terrorists have Terrorist Friends. Therefore the judge, jury and prosecuting attorneys and their families who preside over the 9/11 trials, to be held in New York City, will need full time personal protection for the rest of their lives. Where will the money come from: President Obama’s travel allowance, the Stimulus Plan, New York taxes??? Wake Up America--- Keep them in Gitmo!!!

Next item: The American Entrepreneurial Spirit---Going once-Going twice- Sold to the Obama Administration. Please pay the Creditor!

Notice: GOD is under the weather. Please pray for his well being. Thank You!

Some people have The Gift- stay close to them.

President Obama’s Iranian strategy: Threaten to threaten the Iranian government with a big threat when he believes it’s time to threaten them. Sir can you say that again; I can’t see you through the smoke!

Excuse me; did I hear you say that a person surfaces three times before he drowns? Are you a Lifeguard or an Economist??

Once Journalists recognize truth and report it, this Administration will implode into a tremendous Black Hole. Hold on tight!

Recently surfaced documents found in a small closet in Philadelphia revealed: Life, Liberty, The Pursuit of Happiness, and The right to make your own bed. Interesting!

Enough already!!! Signed: The Founding Fathers.

Kids welcome to your first day of Kindergarten. Before we play with the blocks, remember that our government does not create wealth; only private industry can create wealth. OK let’s play!

Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the Coliseum! Today’s topic: How to enjoy a well-funded Pension Plan. Raise your hand if you do not work for the government. Raise your hand. Can anyone hear me--my microphone must be broken! Next week’s topic: The ever-increasing Property Tax Rates.

Fact or folly: I have done my homework-- America's future debt is astronomical. China owns it. We can't do to them what the government did to the Chrysler bond holders. Therefore, eventually we'll need to cede the western States to China. Zaijian California, Washington, and Oregon.

KISS (keep it simple stupid) - Free people are friends with Americans and America--just ask a re-nationalized Iraqi.

The only thing constant in life is change--unless you're a Union Leader!

The CIA protects each man, women, and child in this great country, however the kids in congress say, “The CIA is lying, the CIA is lying, the CIA is lying.” No wonder the sales of firearms are skyrocketing!

Where does the water go--that water that stays on when you stay in the shower too long--that water that stays on when you brush your teeth too long? Does it leave the Universe? I don’t think so! Wait, let’s call the Green Commission.

Mommy somebody is at the door! Who is he? He is from the government and wants to make us breakfast and spoon feed us. CLOSE THE DOOR!!!

Discretion is the hallmark of valor, especially when you’re young. Hopefully we carry the trait throughout adulthood. Oops, now we have the unregulated accessibility of the “morning-after pill” for all kids—too bad.

With the development of massive wind turbine farms, it seems that thousands of birds will be murdered. In addition, small animals like ground hogs, rabbits, and moles will leave the area due to the radical earth vibrations. However the caribou seem to like the farms just fine.

A few judges in certain states have legitimized Gay Marriage – that’s OK – but as years go by I can’t find a strong legal argument to prevent maybe three, four, five, or even six people to marry, after all they’re in love. I suggest that the judges validate an even number so that no one is left behind.

Let’s define torture--someone places you in an environment where you make a decision you’re uncomfortable with –for example: You're in a room that gets hotter and hotter; you can't move to the left or to the right; you can't move up or down; the room continues to get hotter and hotter; seconds-minutes-an hour passes - you make your last decision - you jump from the World Trade Center tower. Now that's torture!!!

OK let’s be serious as we were in August ‘o8 –

• Our healthcare system is the best in the world. We have the best Hospitals and the best Physicians. That which is broken today was once not broken- namely:
• The immigration system --- have you visited your local emergency room lately? ---better bring a dictionary.
• The educational system---it has become too burdensome to teach health and psychological well being.
• Our family structure - 42% of our children have no fathers living at home - try paying insurance premiums under this environment.

So lets all pay attention to the real Healthcare Problem; otherwise kiss the best system goodbye!

Free psychiatric examinations for liberals- first available appointment is after the November election. Thank you

I gotta go. Go where? To Basic. Basic what? Basic Training. Training for what? The government-sponsored Class Warfare Program.

Does tomorrow’s early morning meeting to fix the healthcare system include invitations to practicing physicians? If not, it’s like sending second graders to war.

He’s available; he has a great deal of experience; we’ll hire him to fix the Social Security System; after all, it’s a great Ponzi scheme.

Let’s fix the healthcare system to save money.
Let’s fix the educational system to save money.
Let’s fix the automotive industry to save money.
Let’s fix the military to save money.
Let’s fix Congress; we have no money!

Where are my car keys--damn you George Bush!

Do you wonder why there are 50 states in the Union. Our Founding Fathers were ingenious--we can move to any one of the three successful ones at any time!

Today both public and private unions are stronger—I worked 18 hours a day, strived for good grades, made money. Now I’m going on strike—I’ll let the government workers pay the bills.

Congressional Fire Drill—all members locate rear door asap; the American people are storming the front door!

Listen up, the fundamentals of the economy are just fine-you and me!

God bless our political leadership. Their low-income housing program is a complete success: we all live there!