Kids welcome to your first day of Kindergarten. Before we play with the blocks, remember that our government does not create wealth; only private industry can create wealth. OK let’s play!

Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the Coliseum! Today’s topic: How to enjoy a well-funded Pension Plan. Raise your hand if you do not work for the government. Raise your hand. Can anyone hear me--my microphone must be broken! Next week’s topic: The ever-increasing Property Tax Rates.

Fact or folly: I have done my homework-- America's future debt is astronomical. China owns it. We can't do to them what the government did to the Chrysler bond holders. Therefore, eventually we'll need to cede the western States to China. Zaijian California, Washington, and Oregon.

KISS (keep it simple stupid) - Free people are friends with Americans and America--just ask a re-nationalized Iraqi.

The only thing constant in life is change--unless you're a Union Leader!

The CIA protects each man, women, and child in this great country, however the kids in congress say, “The CIA is lying, the CIA is lying, the CIA is lying.” No wonder the sales of firearms are skyrocketing!

Where does the water go--that water that stays on when you stay in the shower too long--that water that stays on when you brush your teeth too long? Does it leave the Universe? I don’t think so! Wait, let’s call the Green Commission.

Mommy somebody is at the door! Who is he? He is from the government and wants to make us breakfast and spoon feed us. CLOSE THE DOOR!!!

Discretion is the hallmark of valor, especially when you’re young. Hopefully we carry the trait throughout adulthood. Oops, now we have the unregulated accessibility of the “morning-after pill” for all kids—too bad.

With the development of massive wind turbine farms, it seems that thousands of birds will be murdered. In addition, small animals like ground hogs, rabbits, and moles will leave the area due to the radical earth vibrations. However the caribou seem to like the farms just fine.

A few judges in certain states have legitimized Gay Marriage – that’s OK – but as years go by I can’t find a strong legal argument to prevent maybe three, four, five, or even six people to marry, after all they’re in love. I suggest that the judges validate an even number so that no one is left behind.

Let’s define torture--someone places you in an environment where you make a decision you’re uncomfortable with –for example: You're in a room that gets hotter and hotter; you can't move to the left or to the right; you can't move up or down; the room continues to get hotter and hotter; seconds-minutes-an hour passes - you make your last decision - you jump from the World Trade Center tower. Now that's torture!!!